Well I guess I have decided to write about whatever word strikes my fancy at any given moment! LOL
Not just the happy words or the ones I like but, also the words that are a part of my life and what is going on in it!
This week has been especially bad for me and I am just too stressed and numb from it to feel anything; to say anything; to deal with anything.
Sometimes it is just too much and you can't deal. I have had a lot of that in my life and I think truthfully if you let the downward momentum begin things just spiral down and down and down until you really don't know how to climb back up...or even if you want to.
That is me in a nutshell. ONLY I DO want to climb back up. I just freak out and give up too easy. Suggestions would be great if you're reading and understand my plight!
Saturday 28 April 2007
Betrayal
...violation of a trust...
Another strong word that can only describe the feelings you feel when someone you have chosen to trust (with your heart, with your faith, with the understanding that you are on the same page...believe the same things, agree on a plan)...does NOT come through with their end of the bargain.
I do not place my trust lightly. This due to the depth of my loyalty to those I DO trust.
I'm an all or nothing type of person. I decide...I like you or I don't. If I do...I truly do not ask much of you. Simply that you are honest with me and give me the same degree of respect you ask for yourself. Whatever else you decide to do, or whoever you decide to be is your decision and your right. I can't say I will always agree or that I will never make judgements but I will certainly try not to if you can just do the same for me.
I have flaws...I am certainly NOT perfect nor have I ever professed to be.
I just want to love you for who you are and what you bring to my life that I didn't already have!
I have trusted and been betrayed. Many times actually and it cuts deep. Another reason I do not just throw my trust away. I hold it close to my heart and it sometimes takes time to open up to people.
I sometimes say that it is because I am anti-social which IS sometimes true but more to the point in fact is that I am painfully shy which really just boils down to my FEAR. I am afraid of everything but most of trusting and getting hurt in the end. It seems now that the more often it happens, the deeper it cuts until you are just too tired, scared and hurt to make the effort anymore. Sometimes it truly is NOT worth the pain.
That in itself is sad.
Another strong word that can only describe the feelings you feel when someone you have chosen to trust (with your heart, with your faith, with the understanding that you are on the same page...believe the same things, agree on a plan)...does NOT come through with their end of the bargain.
I do not place my trust lightly. This due to the depth of my loyalty to those I DO trust.
I'm an all or nothing type of person. I decide...I like you or I don't. If I do...I truly do not ask much of you. Simply that you are honest with me and give me the same degree of respect you ask for yourself. Whatever else you decide to do, or whoever you decide to be is your decision and your right. I can't say I will always agree or that I will never make judgements but I will certainly try not to if you can just do the same for me.
I have flaws...I am certainly NOT perfect nor have I ever professed to be.
I just want to love you for who you are and what you bring to my life that I didn't already have!
I have trusted and been betrayed. Many times actually and it cuts deep. Another reason I do not just throw my trust away. I hold it close to my heart and it sometimes takes time to open up to people.
I sometimes say that it is because I am anti-social which IS sometimes true but more to the point in fact is that I am painfully shy which really just boils down to my FEAR. I am afraid of everything but most of trusting and getting hurt in the end. It seems now that the more often it happens, the deeper it cuts until you are just too tired, scared and hurt to make the effort anymore. Sometimes it truly is NOT worth the pain.
That in itself is sad.
Thursday 26 April 2007
Today in Insanity
It's been a rough week here in my life. I've come to some realizations and understandings of my son and our relationship or really lack thereof and I am sad. But, I think that maybe it will be ok in the future.
I have also come to some understanding of what I need to be doing with my life.
I don't know how to get there. STILL. I wish I could have figured it out long before now.
Well, I think I lie. I think I can do it but I am afraid.
Of failure and of success. So here is where I will try to change this.
I LOVE words. Words have power. So...I'm going to write about my favourite words and why I like them. What each of them means to me...not just literally but emotionally or any other way they mean something to me.
And maybe, just maybe I can get comfortable with all words and my own voice as well!
I have also come to some understanding of what I need to be doing with my life.
I don't know how to get there. STILL. I wish I could have figured it out long before now.
Well, I think I lie. I think I can do it but I am afraid.
Of failure and of success. So here is where I will try to change this.
I LOVE words. Words have power. So...I'm going to write about my favourite words and why I like them. What each of them means to me...not just literally but emotionally or any other way they mean something to me.
And maybe, just maybe I can get comfortable with all words and my own voice as well!
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